I am a Sagittarius, who are known for their truth seeking nature and for loving adventure, travelling and learning. This is certainly true of me. I have lived in five different countries on four different continents and have visited many, many more for shorter or longer periods of time.
In all of these places I have found significant pieces of myself flourish. Some places, like the UK, where mostly about my academic advancement and freedom of my mind, and some, like Australia, were more about my personal advancement and freedom of the soul, and most were a combination of both.
Some places I chose (like the UK) and some chose me (like the US now) and again it was mostly a combination of both. Some I was drawn to due to their society and culture (these were the ones I more consciously choose), and some mostly due to the land (those that I felt called by, such as Australia).
My first living experiences in the US, 20+ years ago when studying at the masters of law programme at the University of Michigan, was coloured by my desire to explore the worlds outside my small country of Croatia, after just having finished the master degree course at the University of Cambridge, the UK. These were the imperia which seemed to offer so much opportunity. (I returned to the UK to do my PhD after my LLM).
But I was a bit lost. The worlds at the University of Michigan and Ann Abor seemed small as well, just differently small in comparison to my world in Zagreb. I also felt personally small in trying to navigate this big academic space in a big country with many cultural differences compared to home, and Europe generally.
I did not think I would go back to live in the US again. I did not have any conscious desire to do so. In the last decade or so, I was generally becoming much less interested in claiming my space in the mainstream places of power, which occupied the first part of my adult life. I was becoming more interested in finding my own true power. I finally made peace with living in a small country which has been ruled by others throughout most of its history, and being born in the family where I was ruled by my father, who was the first one in his family who has a higher education (his mother was illiterate). In addition, corona times opened my eyes even more to the systemic injustices of our social and political systems, steaming from, inter alia, colonisation and domination, and this required me to rethink my relating with and within these structures. And for the first time in my life, I actually appreciated the fact that Croatians generally do not trust the government and do not follow the rules much. It felt good to finally be content (with) where I am, as most of my life I felt lack of belonging to any place, having lived in many different places.
But then I was called to move here, to Arizona.
It happened during a guided mediation at one workshop on developing our psychic powers, in the woods of Croatia. I have received a vision of a place with red rocks, eagle flying over, and eagle totem nearby. I knew it was somewhere in North America and I knew I would go there, but I did not know when, how and why. I let it go.
A month or so later I got an invitation to participate at an online panel on UN special procedures as a member of the Working Group on Discrimination against Women and Girls, at the University of Arizona. I did that, not connecting the dots yet. I remember that after doing it I had this feeling of being a bit more empty than full, which I have been starting to feel a lot in relation to my work. We said so many words – most of them the thought by others and coming from the head – and what now?
A few days later I got another invitation from the same professor at the University of Arizona. He had actually read my blog – the blog I opened with almost no resources with a technical support of a friend, after the earthquake in Croatia initiated me into questioning of what else needs to/is being destroyed in order for us to build something new, where I shared my dreaming of a new world. He wanted me to share my own experiences of integrating human rights and therapy and healing ‘work’ with the students of human rights practice. I had the best time ever conceptualising and doing this class, which ended by me playing koshi bell. I felt really full and whole!
The same day I got another email from Arizona, from a person of a similar inclinations with respect to academic and healing practices. And a few weeks later a friend of mine told me that the Fulbright applications were opened. This is when the dots were clearly connected.
In developing my project proposal, I started investigating what has already been done in relation to the paradigm shifts in social justice, law, education, activism and I was so excited to learn about the new initiatives, such as integrative law, healing jurisprudence, self-care and collective care, spiritual activism, pleasure activism, most of which are actually happening in the US. (I have some preliminary thoughts about why this is happening here, which I will write about in another post).
So here I am, sitting in the yard in this beautiful neighbourhood in Tucson, kissed by the sun, bathed by the songs of many different beautiful birds, with my precious dog companion, in wonder of the magic of life. There is something about warm climates and birds that warm my soul. (I remember feeling like that when I arrived to Melbourne as well).
It is still early to feel into all that this journey is about. I am definitely in a good place to do research and teach on the topics of spiritual activism, care and human rights. Students are very open, as are many academics, who actually incorporate meditation and other practices in their teaching, and are involved in the communities. There is a lot of interesting activism in these borderlands and a lot of talk about self-care in general. The challenge for me is now to balance receptivity and action.
I am also here to learn from the land, from the desert. There are some ancient voices here which want to be sung through me, as was revealled in yesterday’s encounter with a beautiful sister.
And, as always, I am here to learn from, through and with other people, and I have already met some really beautiful humans here.
The melting pot has its challenges and potentials. The dominant operating system up to now has accentuated the challenges, but there is now an opening for accentuating the potentials. I am happy to play my part in it.
