A few weeks ago I decided I was going to write a book, but I have not really been writing much. But as I started to take the tincture with ayahuasca wine (not psychedelic), so much emotions have come to the surface, and they want to get out. So, here I am writing another blog just two days after I wrote the last one.
On the same topic, which is going to be a key topic of my book as well, the book about belonging, safety, authenticity and connection in the time of rapture, at the time when patriarchal system is finally falling apart.
Patriarchy has been a key theme in my professional and personal life. Patriarchal family and social structures were very unsafe grounds for me to develop my authentic soul self and connect with others from that place. And because of my need – as a basic need of any human being – to connect, to belong, I have been and continue to be in the relationships which are not fully respectful and hence hinder my soul expression, and the creation of the world where we recognize each other’s souls.
I have been feeling quite a lot of anger these last days for all the times I allowed disrespect in my relationships. Anger has always been the most easily accessible emotion for me. But I did not know how to run it. I would navigate between pretending there is nothing wrong, being super tolerant, and thinking that everything is wrong and being very combative. That has not been working well, somehow whichever pole I was at I still felt victimized.
I have noticed how a lot of feminist movement, of which I have been part, is also doing the same. So I started writing how we need to transform our movements, how we need to move from the activism based on „indignation impulse“, to one based in „revolutionary love“– the “spiritual activism” (https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/01417789231222830?icid=int.sj-abstract.citing-articles.2)
This has been a part of my own journey to more compassionate, accepting place. Another medicine plan– cacao, helped a lot. But it seems there has been some “spiritual bypassing” from my side as well, as I put my pinky glasses and focused only on what is good. So maybe I need to find space for both – anger and loving compassion. And use and express my anger as a fuel of my energy field, rather than expressing it towards particular people, as my friend Ivana, who makes the tinctures, suggested. Anger could be used as a fuel for a loving compassion. Fierce love. Love in service of truth.
Because anger is there to show us what is wrong. It is not easy to see all that is wrong in/with the world, because there is so much of it, and because it can lead to resistance to life, which is not a healthy place to reside in. But if we don’t acknowledge what is wrong, we will never move to a different place, and we will not live truthfully to our souls. And love asks us to do so.
There is so much wrong in the relationship between people still, based in millennia of systems which gave certain groups of people power over others. If we want to move to more equal relationships, all genders need to be involved in dismantling patriarchy. We need to be courageous enough to see and take responsibility to change. Men need to take accountability for the harms that have been done to women, even if they were not personally involved, they need to reckon with their privileges. And we, women (in all different expressions), need to wake up, open our eyes and call for accountability in our relationships. It starts with us.
Where do we stay in abusive relationships because we think we depend on people who have some sort of power over us – whether it is our fathers, partners, construction workers? Where do we repeat the cycle of our mothers, grandmothers and other women, who were often dependent on men? Where do we betray our sisters, as our mothers and sisters betrayed us, when they were not able to offer a secure place for us to be raised, or when they played the power games they were subjected to?
How do we find our power, not power over, but power within? How do we establish our boundaries not so that they can act as a shield, a point of separation, but as a place of authentic connection? How do we practice fierce love?
Separation mentality brought us to the point we are at as society. But this is a potent place. We cannot pretend not to see what is happening now (although many are in delusion). While I am at moments shocked and terrified with Trump and what he epitomizes, I also see it as a breaking point. It is impossible to pretend and stay silent now. And even if we cannot directly do something in relation to world events, we can see where we still accept things that should not be acceptable, where we remain silent because of fear, where we betray ourselves because of desire to belong.
It is a beautiful desire and a basic human need, but let’s create a world where everyone belongs, where we do not need to chose between authenticity and connection. Let’s move from the adolescent culture to one of adults who take responsibility for each other, recognizing interconnectedness of all life. Let’s practice fierce love, the one that ensures safety and is in service to truth.
Aho!
