At this time of revelations, I would like to write about shadows in spiritual and shamanic communities that I have been more and more aware of, particularly about the shadow of spiritual bypassing, and sexual abuse.
Let’s start with spiritual bypassing in the form of taking a stance of neutrality in relation to pressing socio-political issues, such as genocide in Palestine. Recently I posed the question of Palestine to a „sacred sexuality community“ composed of many Israeli and Jewish people. I faced attacks for bringing in „divisive, political issues“; not understanding „complexity of the conflict“; and even „siding with Hamas“! The person who attacked me the most for „divide and conquer“ strategy as she put it, was a „shaman“ from the UK, who leads people on the „shamanic journey“ of clearing the injustice that their ancestors had faced, after which they have no need to „rant about the injustice in the world“, as she explained. Another person from Israel tried to explain to me, and other people who joined my concerns, that it is all Hamas’ fault, including the withholding of the food. A day after, one of the key persons in this community wrote a post about the importance of neutrality in relation to this issue.
While I have been aware of the shadow of spiritual bypassing for a while, I still do not quite understand how someone could be on a journey of self-inquiry and dealing with (if not healing) the trauma and still not be able to point a mirror towards oneself. Or how someone whose mantra is „We are all One“ does not actually have a felt understanding of our inter-connectedness, which necessitates some kind of response to the suffering of others. On the contrary, “mantra of Oneness” is often being used to silence the voices questioning the suffering of others, the others who – while allegedly included in the One – are somehow unrepresented in the communities which talk about Oneness.
The mantra of Oneness is also often used to avoid responsibility for abuse. A friend of mine has recently posted a video interview of a person under the IG name Oness_Within gave on the topic of sexual abuse of women in shamanic plant medicine ceremonies. His answer about the responsibility for sexual abuse of women was: „It takes two to tango!“ This person, who has mostly half-naked photos on his profile, further explained that women who come in a mini-skirt to a ceremony bring „the reaction of the men, of course!“. The same person has recently led ceremonies in Brač, during the three day event that included Femme Deep Dive ceremony.
The complaints about sexual abuse were also made against some teachers of the “sacred sexuality organism”, which keeps silent on Palestine. They have also mostly responded with a similar narrative. A narrative very different from what social justice activists use in such situations. Their starting position is the untenability of neutrality where there is a difference of power. Accordingly, they rightly attribute the responsibility to the perpetrator. The problem is though that they often demonize the perpetrator and focus on victimhood, which many victims/survivors also recognize as problematic.
These days, I have been thinking about „it takes two to tango“ narrative and have been investigating all the instances where I danced the dances I might not even liked, with people who were stepping on my feet. And I have, including with some of the people and the communities I am referring to! We probably all have, as most of us were not taught about our worth, about the sacredness of our dance, and the importance of discernment and boundaries.
And we do have responsibility for how and with whom we dance, we are sponsible for our choices. And that’s the good news, as it signals our capacity, ability and responsibility to make (different) choices. But we are NOT responsible for the choices of others. So if I go into ceremony wearing a mini-skirt, in am not asking for nor am I responsible for sexual abuse.
And while I might need to do some work to peal of patriarchal conditioning, as well as the New Age emphasis on hyper-femininity as a sign of connection with the Goddess, I am not responsible for abuse. Generally, the behavior of the other side does not provide justification for abuse – I still have a responsibility to choose how to behave, whether in ceremony or in war.
This does not mean that we have to ostracize the perpetrators, as many (old-school) activists would do. Often, there is an unresolved trauma beneath, that we can have compassion toward. In addition, however blameworthy our behavior might be, we still have capacity for goodness, we still have a soul. And we need to recognize ourselves and others as souls.
And we can do that, and promote Oneness, and still not be stuck in neutrality; we can call on abuse of power. Recognizing oneness of us all, of all life, does not require us to be silent when abuse happens. It actually calls us to call for accountability, to call the soul back in, without shame and blame.
To do that, we need to start with ourselves – and call upon our soul when we are making choices. We need to bring in discernment in any and every situation we are in, particularly at this time. We need to let the Soul choose, rather than small, wounded, traumatized parts of us, which seek belonging and validation. We can choose from the place of wholeness and integrity. It is our responsibility and our power to co-create (new) world by constantly taking a stance; there is no position of neutrality. We need to shine the light of our Soul to this world; knowing that this light can contribute to revealing more truth – but knowing it will not be THE truth, as lights of other Soul’s are needed for that. We need to spark the lights in the Souls of all humans to experience the ultimate truth of love.
