In November 2019 I went to Mexico (city) for the first time. I was enchanted with all the colours, tastes, different physiognomy of people, all the alivness! And though I have never before heard of the Mexican state of Oaxaca, during this five days trip, I met women from Oaxaca, I ate Oaxacan food, and I noticed adds about it. But it was not the time to go, as I wanted to celebrate my birthday with my partner, at home. To be present with what is, which has not been easy for me.
In November 2021 my dog of 12 died and with it my whole energy field changed. I needed some soul searching. And for me, this is easier when travelling. As I was pondering on the idea of my first solo non-business related long trip, I came across a Facebook post by a tantra teacher I was following. She was in Mazunte, Oaxaca! This was my first sign. Another one was that the festival La Presencia (!) was going on near by just at the time of my trip.
I decided to go. And as I took that decision, I started (finally) noticing that there was this thing called corona, and everyone around me started getting it.
I did leave, but I left with a bit of fear and unease. This intensified as I could not sleep the night before or the night of the travel. It really got bad when I arrived to the Mexico City, where I again could not sleep. And this continued, and with it the fear became bigger.
As my fear intensified, so did the signs that I am protected. Just after I had a big cry, as I was walking back to the town of Mazunte from the beach, I heard two beautiful Mexican guys playing Gypsy music from the Balkan! That melted my heart.
But the journey of passing through the dark continued. As we arrived at the festival, I started noticing how my brain operates on constant worry. Watching the kids roaming the jungle we were in, I decided to become a kid. I was curious about my fears and worries, I wanted to explore them and how I can relate to them. I was lucky that we were (in a) safe container and that I could experience how it is to be safe. How it is not to act upon the fear, but trust. As this was the intention of all of us, we were shown abundance – if no one takes what they do not need, there is always enough of everything for everyone. This is how the filed operates! I felt like I was being re-born, as I was un-learning the old patterns of behaviour.
I was also observing the magic of us humans and our power of co-creation. We can indeed build healthier communities; we can indeed relate to each other in healthier ways. We can raise children differently. Instead of trying to save them from the difficulties in their life (as my mom did), we can teach them to know their power to go through them. We can be the artists of our life, we can be the medicine we seek outside.
My journey of exploration continued – I had to find my power to deal with a series of physical difficulties, including having a parasite. And I did! With the help of human and non-human angels that are always around. But, as in a shamanic ceremony, they will only come when you really need them, as otherwise you will not experience your own power of dealing with the difficulties.
One of the angels on my journey was a chiropractic/energy healer woman my intuition led me to, who helped me tremendously and did not want to take any money (a big learning for me who always felt obliged to pay for everything and has difficulties accepting gifts). There was also this amazing Argentinian family from whom I got herbs that helped me clean the parasite, and there was this Slovenian friend, Mexican friends and many other beautiful beings.
And all the way, there was this amazing being rising more and more in me, which I want to cherish more. I was finding this life force that no longer wanted to be contained, that wanted to break free of all the false security systems. And I was blessed with being able to experience it as the 3d reality.
My journey has continued since I came back. I am still in a chrysalis, waiting to transform into the butterfly. And it has not been easy, and I am still struggling with sleeping. But it has also been beautiful and another angel – Pia, the dog, just arrived in my life (you can read how magic connected us here: https://ivanasdreaming.com/2022/03/24/the-magical-story-of-how-pia-and-i-found-each-other/). Animals spirit have been strongly with me and I have been supported by many beautiful humans.
I have been le-learning, transforming, letting go, surrendering.
I am looking forward to the beauty this butterfly of mine brings to the world. And I am inviting other butterflies to play with me! Let’s co-create this beautiful word that is wanting to be born, all together. The time is now. ❤
Ivana's dreaming 